Autism and Numbers

Usually I dont like to read about illnesses or to hear about them because I always fear that the information will get into my head and I will develop the illness. I have gone out on a limb to learn more about myself, basically using myself as a guinea pig lately to learn more about Human Behavior. I have decided to read about autism, which I have and yet have known nothing about until recently. I only know my own behaviors and how I relate to others, but I did not know about symptoms until now.

I read that autism invokes some great ability with numbers, however I dont have this ability. My own view of numbers is that I find it hard to take them seriously and when I think about them they rise and float about in my head and I am unable to grasp them. When I think about numbers, they seem barbaric to me and the very idea of counting anything seems animalistic. I dont count my money, I dont count anything I own and I never keep track of anything. I believe this is why time seems so irrelevant to me. I am late often and I struggle with some OCD habits which for some reason I force myself to be late for silly reasons. It used to be vacuuming. I had to vacuum everything again and again and the floor never seemed clean enough whenever I had to be somewhere. But now that I think about it, perhaps the act of recording and making a certain time of something of significance did not make sense to me. Cleaning the floor does. Also, I have a great disregard for money. It bores me, I hate thinking about it and I hate shopping for the most part. This also involves numbers

Im not sure what the reasons are for many of the things I do, but I do know that I have a problem with numbers. So how did I get over looked in the numbers game? At what point did I reject numbers or is it just a formation of how I view things? To me, numbers seems barbaric, so trivial and meaningless in the ultimate of things. How do you count the number zero? How do you count something that doesnt exist and why would you want to?? What does the number 3 mean? A cubit meant something before a foot, what will a foot mean after another form of counting arrives?? Just as we assigned something meaningless to time, it wasnt until atomic vibration that we learned of a REAL beat of something that we can base time on, some way of recording death of matter. It verified to us that something is indeed occurring.

It seems pointless to me to count and I feel like an animal in doing so.

My opinion is that counting contaminates the equation before the conclusion. By counting you are expecting a certain outcome before you have solved the problem.

-Fish